All Joy

I have a friend who takes care of her mother with Alzheimer’s. For about three years now, I have been taking them to the store (no car) when needed and other things. Recently, her mom entered hospice (the girls at Culver’s, where we always took her to lunch, really miss her). Now, my friend gets three hours a week (from a volunteer) to “get away/respite”). Her sister will NOT come see mom, she drops off meds and paper products (when necessary, she controls mom’s money, etc.), but she doesn’t help at all. The adult grandchildren are scarce, but since my friend hurt her knee a couple of weeks ago, Tyler, one of the younger (high school) great-grandchildren has been mowing the lawn for her. Today, I was supposed to get her and we would go to the store, I get my staples for the month the day after I get paid. I was running late and then realized I didn’t have the list (an ultimate necessity in my plight) so I went back for it. I called her right at noon to tell her. I was about fifteen minutes late picking her up. On the way over, I already felt pushed. I pick her up, we rush through stores and rush to get her home. When she got into the car, I asked if she had vital things on her list. She said she needed coffee but the rest was not necessary really. I suggested we use her three hours to go and leisurely eat somewhere or go see a movie. She was supposed to be getting respite and I felt like all we did was rush through her three hours. Helping me shop for the month didn’t seem to me to be “restful for her.

She loved the idea. We went to Applebee’s, drinking tea and poring over the menu. We finally ordered (after both of us changed our minds several times). She leisurely enjoyed a steak (something she doesn’t fix and rarely gets out for) and I enjoyed a classic hamburger with grilled onions, tomato, and no bun. We let that settle and then split a molten chocolate cake and ice cream. The waitress was even kind enough to split the cake between our checks. She said that she was not going to go home and get on facebook as there was so much hatred and racism to some world news items she had posted. I had not been there today and am not sure I will stop in while I am checking my mail here. Pretty much stopping to smell the roses (or steak and hamburger) had brought us both calm and JOY!

We stopped, on the way back to town, at the market where she picked up some coffee. For the first time, since hospice started, she felt as though she hadn’t been rushed through a chore and felt ready to return. I will go back out do my shopping in a little while. I have to admit, I needed to stop and rest as well! Since my suggestion was, as she put it, “your suggestion was just what I needed”, my heart is warmed with JOY further for thinking about her rather than what I needed to do today!

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