BONUS BLOG: You May Encounter Some of Us Grieving

Amber Huff graciously gave me her expressed permission to share this letter she wrote to you and everyone else.

A childhood contemporary of our son LJ4, she is now a parent who has been through a lot, has much to say, and says it exceedingly well —-

Dear Humans of the World,

Somehow we have arrived at yet another holiday.

Tomorrow you may encounter some of us. We may show up at your gathering dressed to the nines or looking like we just crawled out of the depths of hell, or maybe somewhere in between. We may laugh and smile. This may give you hope that we are okay and we may be okay at that exact moment. But overall, we are not okay. But that’s alright. No need to make a big deal that we came, a simple “glad you’re here” will do.

We may go into an empty room. A space that is quiet, where the laughter and joy around us doesn’t seem so suffocating. It’s okay, no need to follow. We may just need a moment to be with our thoughts, to shed some tears or to take a moment with our loved one.

We may also not show up at all. I know, you were looking forward to seeing us. You wanted to see that we were back to normal and okay. It’s disappointing to us too, we wish we could be there, like fully be there. That things weren’t the way they were and that the holidays brought us as much joy as they once did. And someday we may be able to share in the joy, it won’t be the same, but that’s okay. If we don’t show up no need to tell us you miss us and wish we had come, we know. A simple text saying “I’m glad you are doing what is best for you today, I’m holding space for you and thinking of (insert name)” will do.

There is no need sympathy tomorrow, but rather empathy.

Sincerely,
The Grieving People of the World