Deal with Disappointment, 2nd of 9

Dr. John Delony, he of 2 Ph.Ds, writes —

1. Give yourself permission to grieve. 

Grieve might sound like a dramatic word here, but it’s not. Disappointment is like a small death of something you hoped for—even if it’s something seemingly trivial. 
  
No matter how big or small your disappointment, give yourself permission to grieve what you’ve lost (or maybe never received). Don’t try to gloss over or numb your unpleasant emotions. Name your feelings. If you’ve been passed over for a big promotion at work, you might chalk it up to feeling depressed or having anxiety, when in reality, you’re actually angry, hurt and disappointed. These are natural reactions to having your hopes let down. 

So, allow yourself to feel. Have a hard cry. Sit in your grief, but don’t bathe in it. You must lean into and process your negative emotions in order to eventually let them go and make a plan for how you’re going to move forward. 

2. Don’t compare your grief to someone else’s. 

It’s tempting to try and minimize our grief by comparing it to others who are “worse off” than we are. We end up getting stuck in an endless cycle.

I saw this line of thinking all over the place during the COVID pandemic: Yeah, we had to cancel my son’s birthday party, but one of my friends had to postpone her wedding. Yeah, I had to postpone my wedding, but at least I still have my job. Well, I lost my job, but at least no one in my family has died. And on and on it goes . . .

The problem with this approach is that we deny ourselves the permission to grieve. Plus, it might seem noble, but it’s not actually doing you or anyone else any good.

Minimizing your sadness doesn’t make someone suddenly feel better somewhere else in the world. 

Own your grief and don’t apologize for feeling sad.